Last Thursday was the hardest day we've ever had.
I had been out of the office for a meeting and forgot my phone. When I returned I saw I had 9 missed calls and could see a partial text from Guillermo that read "in ambulance w Vivi heading to MUSC". I call Gmo and he tells me "she was unresponsive earlier, but she's breathing now, I'm in the ambulance, meet me at MUSC" and we get off the phone & I start to lose my mind.
Viviana had been having labored breathing all morning, which is fairly normal for her when she gets a head cold because of her (suspected) asthma. We just keep an eye on her and give her breathing treatments if it seems like she's wheezing too much. The nanny said that this was different from her wheezing and her breathing got worse and worse and then she would stop breathing for several seconds. Then she totally stopped breathing all together.
According to the nanny her lips turned blue and black, her eyes glazed over & turned white and she could not be roused. The nanny started giving her CPR. The nanny ran her to the neighbors to help and the neighbor also gave her CPR. The emergency personnel arrived and she finally started to breathe again (first miracle, since this meant they did not have to intubate her, just give her forced oxygen). Guillermo made it home just as the ambulance was taking off and he was able to ride with her (second miracle).
I'm driving like a bat out of you know where to get downtown and I know Gmo can't talk cause he's holding her breathing aparatus on in the ambulance so I text him "where do I go" and he responds where I park, I text him "where do I go after that" and he tells me Peds ER. I text him "is she ok?" and he doesn't respond, I call him, he doesn't pick up. I drove from Rutledge Ave to the hospital thinking that my child had just passed away.
All I know is I have never been in a darker place in all of my life than those minutes it took me to drive to the hospital thinking that Guillermo wasn't answering his phone because he wanted to tell me in person she was gone.
Of course what happened was that right after his last response back he lost cell signal in the hospital. The moment I stepped into that hospital room and saw her little self covered in cords & machines but realized she was alive & breathing, I totally lost it. Praise God that He had His hand over & and was protecting her. Praise God for a nanny & a neighbor who knew CPR, and a nanny that didn't feel comfortable to just try to put Viviana to nap when she was lethargic all morning and instead held her in her arms. Thank God that in the end, it turns out that Vivi has pneumonia and a head/chest cold and nothing more that the ER staff nor our pediatrician could see. The pediatrician thinks it's just a freak medical mystery that we'll never understand. We went over all the possibilities and it just doesn't seem like anything "fits" as to why she stopped breathing.
Or course we've been a nervous wreck to let her out of our site & slept in her room with her for several days, but we just have to have faith that God took care of her on Thursday & protected her and he continues to do this every single day.
Thank you Jesus.
My heart breaks for the families that don't get to leave MUSC Peds the same day they come in. My heart breaks for the families who do not have a positive outcome when they enter & leave this hospital. For the families that have to deal with chronically sick kids, I am just sick for you. The physical toll your body feel from that kind of stress is just unbelievable. Here it is 5 days later and I am still physically recovering. I felt like I had been hit by a bus from the stress of it all.
By the next day we were playing games together. I have never been so thankful just to hold my baby and watch her smile.
And to watch her feed her babies....
And to take her on a walk, or to church (she had been on antibiotics for 3 days at this point).
I am so, so thankful for these kids. They are my everything.
Sunday mornings have never been more delicious, even when Daddy dresses your little princess in a Steelers jersey... ;)
Since humidity helps Vivi, I thought being outside in the ridiculous heat would help her, so we went to Hanahan's new amphitheater. This is our City's pride & joy and has literally been talked about, dreamt about for 15 years for our Citizens and Council. And here it is, finished!
I had to take a picture of this grass hopper. Literally the biggest one I've ever seen, this monster was at least 5 inches long!
Maybe it was because I bathed Vivi & took her jersey off is why Steelers lost? Oh well, the boys had fun watching the game (well maybe not the BIG guy).....
With your kids, your most precious gift, you can just be overwhelmed with fear of the "what ifs".
My Mom said it best in a recent email to me " The only thing that helps me get through these situations like what Viviana went through is to know that the Lord is in control and He has the answer to our every pain, every fear and every emotion."
And to that I say True Dat. I don't know what I would do without my faith that God, truly is in control. Good, bad, and ugly- He is in charge & there is a reason for everything.