I read this on a friends blog and HAD to share it with all of you it is one of the funniest and most accurate things about parenting I have ever read... my friend wrote the most perfect comment to go along with this funny post she found about parenting:
This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say ‘it’s all worth it!’ Share it with your friends, both those who do and don’t have kids. I guarantee they’ll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you’ll need when you become a parent!
Written by Amy Lawrence
If you want to know what it's like to be a parent:
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their…
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel…
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out…
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this – all morning.
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you’re thinking What’s ‘Noggin’?) Exactly the point.
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying ‘mommy’ repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each ‘mommy’; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the ‘mommy’ tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
Again, this is all tounge in cheek, kids are the BEST thing that will ever happen to you and also the most challenging thing you will ever do.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
You hear TOO much silence and this is what you find.....
Judah was trying to put a star back onto the ceiling that had fallen down..... and Guillermo caught him when he was about climb on this monstrosity!
Which the stars on the ceiling are for our current curriculum with the boys, it's this incredible book called Play & Pray Bible.. the stars represented God telling Abraham he'd have as many offspring as the stars in the sky. If you're looking for some incredible preschool Bible activities, check it out!
So in our house, when it's a lazy day and you don't know what to do, you have a drum circle....
Or have a silly face contest....
Judah TOTALLY won...
And then you have those days or weeks where finding a way to pass the time isn't an issue... it seems like the entire month of March was crazy with plans, all good plans, birthday celebrations, a wedding, hanging out with old friends and new friends.. we had not one, not two but three nights this month where we got a sitter.. AND we even did a date night (check this out.. .you HAVE to do it if you're married... it's SO much fun http://greatdatejc.weebly.com/ it's something our church is doing). That was a record. But my heart aches for the kids when they're not there... so it's good that's not the norm....
How could you not want to be with this guy every second outside of work? My little angel and HAM. Maybe I'll bake him for Easter?
And their Tio & Miss Kat... thanks for watching them guys (and our dear Evelina)!
We hit the JACKPOT yesterday when we drove past the colesium which was having a police motorcycle rally to compete against different departments across the states and to show the public the level of skills police on bikes have. Of course my peeps- the Charleston Police Department were there, so that's always a plus to hang with your old job homies.
Judah & Quinn in front of the CPD bikes.
And here are Charleston County Sherriff's Dept...
When I became the crime analyst for CPD and came off patrol, there was an equal chance I'd go to the motorsquad or behind a desk as the CA. Each were equally exciting and career enhancing, so I left it in God's hands. I had MAJOR fears of trying to drive that huge bike on their insane course. Just to get on the motorsquad you have to go thru these intense courses and school. I imagined myself driving 3 inches and falling over on the bike (now mind you, I can drive a big bike from driving my Dad's Honda Goldwing and my little Honda Rebel for years, but these bikes are totally different, incredibly bottom heavy rather than top heavy like the Goldwing) ..... everyone kept assuring me with practise you can learn to drive like that, but I guess I'll never find out.. cause as God would have it I went behind a desk. ANYways, here are the peeps that ARE that skilled beyond belief, look they are driving thru the course TIED to another bike!
Simply amazing. Reason number #48 that cops are amazing. Look at these guys!
And another thing that is simply amazing, is this bike has a Porche engine! What!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Like most mornings, this morning Judah stumbled out of his room half asleep clutching his blankets and climbed into my bed. He has little puffy morning cheeks and the fullest most perfect little mouth and he was just sitting there like a little cherub, looking still half asleep. I asked him "what did you dream about" ... as I do from time to time and he replied "God".... and I asked him "what was your dream about" and he said "it was really dark and all I could see was Quinn's yellow pirate pjs" (Quinn has skull pjs that glow in the dark) and I asked him "what did God do?"
And he said "God protected me"
As a mama, that was such a wow moment for me. All my hearts desire is that my kids know the Lord intimately from a young age and that they love God passionately and want to follow His will for their lives. And that made my whole day!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
I feel good. I feel great. I feel wonderful (repeat). Rememeber What about Bob? Well, today is a good day. And it's not just good because "I didn't even have to use my A.K." (one of my favorite rap lyrics, you've probably heard it before if you've read my blog for awhile) And to make it even better. I won an award!! Thanks Jackie, I hope a giant 3 foot tiara comes with that award!
2. I may have told this to a few of you already, but my insane life (working like a maniac all day and staying at work late everyday and then trying to come home and be the world’s best mom/wife/blah blah blah) is eating my brain. I think my brain literally turns off at the end of long day where I’ve worked my mind to the brink, either that or I have another case of extreme stupidity, twice (not once, but twice) I’ve literally stood in front of my front door to my house pushing the “open door” button on my car remote, expecting the door to unlock. Twice people. Twice.
3. My favorite thing in the whole world is irony. Not like the irony Alanis Morrisett sang about, but funny irony- like when someone who thinks they are soo cool passes gas by accident in public. A funny moment like that can literally make me laugh out loud for years to come at the thought of it. Sort of like when I used to ride my motorcycle to class back in college. I used to feel so cool, getting around all the cars waiting to park in the garage, cause I could get in thru the side and park in the motorcycle parking. So one day, I jumped off my bike, and started heading to class and literally walking across the street in front of the cars that were still waiting to get into the garage, I tripped while about to cross the street on one of those awful downtown bricks and fell flat on my face in front of the cars- literally laying face down like a speed bump. And then their light turned green, so they were inching up on me. Now mind you- accounting books are generally 150 lbs each and I think I had about 3 in my book bag- so I was sort of like a turtle with this giant book bag “shell” on me and I had my helmet in my other hand. I’m sitting there thinking HOW can I get up and outta here as fast as humanly possible? Whenever I think about that, I am amused and horrified.
4. I still think that kids in college are my peers, until I remember that I’m at least 12 years older than them and then they call me “Miss Courtney” and I have a Jan Brady moment “who am i?” LOL.
5. I seriously want Adam Lamberts hair. And Asian hair. My biggest splurge on myself is hair products and I’m constantly trying to find that cheap product that works as well as the nice one. And it’s just not out there. But recently I did buy hair products at one tenth the cost from Hong Kong on Ebay- desperate times call for desperate measures- let's hope it's the real deal. It's still in international transit, so I'll let ya know.
6. One of my favorite shows is Ninja Warrior. Lately I’ve been addicted to the American Ninja Warrior, where 15 people train and compete to go to the real show in Japan. When I watch these guys, I get so amped up, I think I could go outside and run up the side of a twenty two foot wall and jump onto the roof. In every other area of life I am logical and realistic to a fault, but when it comes to unnatural human feats of physical ability I have this weird unrealistic idealistic thought of myself actually being able to do these things.
7. Speaking of failing at physical feats… one of the best laughs we got as a squad back in the po-po days was when there was a foot pursuit, the officer that trained me was about to get out of his car to join in the pursuit, when he literally only took one step out of the car, immediately pulled his groin muscle and fell helplessy on the ground. We all hated him going thru that horrible pulled muscle, but we laughed for years about him literally opening up the car door and basically falling out even before he joined in the pursuit.
And because I like all of you- here is a tip: Never, ever rent the movie Buried (with Ryan Reynolds).. it's literally him in a box, buried for about an hour and a half. No flash backs, no nothing, just him in a box. Worst movie ever. Just imagine Ryan Reynolds, in a box, buried alive and imagine him in the box for an hour and a half. Now you've seen the whole movie in your mind.
And now to announce MY 7 facts blog awards winners (cue balloons/confetti):
Tales from the Tylers
Made for you by Mrs. Woo
Now YOU have to announce 7 facts about yourself/your life.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
I gripe a LOT about Charleston's weather. But I have to give credit where credit is due. The spring here is magnicificent and *almost* makes the horrible humidty and heat and lack of fall/winter worth it.
We've been spending the past two weeks enjoying all things spring in Charleston....
We got to visit our friend's lake house, just 45 minutes away from Charleston, but feels like a whole 'nother world. Just far enough away from Charleston to feel like you're on a mini vacation!
That lake is full of alligators! I dared Guillermo to wrap his feet in bacon and hang them over the edge and he refused. He's NO fun!! (just kidding)
"I'm stronger than an alligator" the boys are saying here....
PS. wearing a monster truck shirt while at the lake is mandatory.. .you know, while in Rome....
No trip to the lake would be complete without a bon fire! What an incredible day, how blessed to have friends that keep inviting us to their lake house.....
And of course once the weather turns slightly warm, you gotta head out to the beach....for some sunset soccer! Or if you're me, after your athletic kids kick the soccer ball really hard you run as fast as your non-athletic legs will possibly carry you to get 45 yards across the beach before the soccer ball hits the waves and your "work out" yoga style pants are falling down the whole time. Yea, it's a sight.
Judah & I had a date the other day and we ran half of the bridge. Judah ran the whole thing until about 3/4 of the way down, I was so proud of him! (and wait until you see the video of him high fiving all the chicks as he ran, to be posted soon)
The view from the top, it never gets old! Even when the bridge is swaying in the wind beneath your feet.
When we got to the top, we had a special heart to heart. I now know that Judah prefers "race car boats" to race cars and motorcycles and his favorite food is noodles, "the kind in chicken noodle soup". Moments like that, along with Quinn's new thing, as he cups my face in his hands and in the most earnest and loving voice says "My Mama" just make my heart melt!
And of course, you haven't had a good time until you crack each other up. I told him, I wonder what Daddy is doing right now and he said, "I bet he has a worm in his nose" and burst out laughing!
There were several awesome peeps born in the month of February and March.....including:
Sweet and loving lil cutie Luke and his Batman birthday at the park....
My amazing, ray of sunshine, heart of gold, hilarious, hard working, hot baby daddy had a birthday!
All you can eat crab legs dinner, seriously, the best gift you could ever get the guy (thanks J&F!).....look at that smile! That's a smile you get when you get to put 32 ounces of melted butter on your food!
And spending a night with a sweet & amazing friends who we don't get to see very often is a true gift!
It must've been a plaid party??
You've gotta visit the local race car track/fun park while it's perfect weather.....
We went with one of our best friends to Frankie's Fun Park and then he agreed to take Quinn on the giant fun slide with Guillermo and Judah so I could take pictures, now that's friendship! Thanks Scott!
And happy birthday to an awesome and fun Abuelo!
And happy birthday to my beautiful chubby bunny Dean, who I want to squeeze EVERY day but I get sad cause you're a whole state away!
And last but not least, happy birthday to one of my oldest, sweetest, knows me the bestest friends Elizabeth!